When Parenting no longer looks like Parenting! Getting your child ready for College using an Adult-Adult Relationship.

Children grow up.  It’s a fact of life.  Children eventually become adults and the rules of the game change, or do they?  For some parents, your daughter/son may need protection, guidance, or motivation to make progress.  There comes a point, however, when these children, as adults, need to be treated like just another adult.

Most of their lives, children seek advice, look for direction and require support from parents when making decisions.  As a parent, that role is so critical.  Educationally, the federal policies (FERPA) even designate that parents must be part of any academic decisions up through senior year of high school.  So does that mean parents HAVE to do everything until then?  Well, once that student enrolls in college, game over!  Parents need to exit stage left, and quick.  The same federal policy that states parents must be involved until a certain point in time with their child’s educational planning, then states that the only person making educational decisions in college is the student themselves.  No parents, no spouses, and no significant others matter at that point.  Got it?  That means the child you protected for so long now has to fend for her or himself.  Are these students ready if parents have done everything for them until that point? No!  What can be done?

During the high school years, parents can slowly move out of the driver’s seat and let students take control of that steering well.  There may be an accident or two along the way, but they have an insurance policy at this point, as mom, dad or a guardian are there to teach them how to manage and learn from the challenges and let them know it’s going to be OK, you can DO IT!  No longer is it a Parent-Child relationship.  You are beginning to move towards an Adult-Adult relationship.  If a student’s first experience of self-reliance is their first semester of college, then be aware that managing all that freedom could go in many different and sometimes dangerous directions.  Having freedom in a safer environment first makes it easier on a student during the college years, so affording them some freedom to make their own informed decisions in high school is perfect.  Discuss the alternatives with them but know they have the driver’s license now and they are driving their car.  Let them be themselves.  Readiness for understanding how to manage freedom, making their own decisions, and letting them face any consequences is the essential key to success for emerging adults.

Think of your child as a friend or co-worker later on in their adolescence.  How would you have reacted if one of these individuals had a similar challenge?  When your child faces a problem, instead of being a parent, think of how you would respond if they were just someone in your life you knew and cared about, knowing they could make their own decisions instead of having you control the situation to protect them.  I get it, parents know better, but how do your children learn how to know better for themselves?  You’ll begin to see things differently if you treat them like just another grown up and in the end, help them learn about becoming a stronger adult.